Because I love you
by dark-spirit
Summary: Raven explains the tragedy of her love for beast boy. first rae POV, then BB POV.warning: gory images. beware.
1. the fallen

You think you know me pretty well, considering I'm one of your best friends. But you have no idea of all of the things I've done for you.

You want an audience for your dumb jokes. I patiently listen, only hitting you when necessary. I help you clean your hideous, smelly room. I try your revolting tofu. All because I love you.

You want to attempt to revive Terra. I research my spell books for weeks with out sleep. I bring her back, for you. Even when I lapse into a coma for a week, and you don't visit, much less say thank you, I ignore it. All because I love you.

You want to throw a party while robin is away in Gotham city. I agree, but only because i've decided today is the day. I will finally tell you how much I love you. I can only pray that you feel the same. I mean, you spend the most time with me, and you always win me things at the carnival. I'm not hallucinating am I?

I come down to the party, already in full swing. I'm the only sober person there. The entire living room is filled with a huge amount of people freak dancing, their sweating bodies grinding together in some sick rhythm. I look away in disgust, fitfully searching the room for you, my love. Then I see you in the center of the mass of moving bodies. Terra is plaster al over you, her tongue stuck into the back of you throat. You're grabbing her ass, not caring that all of jump city is watching.

I run from the room, not letting the tears fall from my cheeks until I reach the safety of my bedroom. I am such a fool! I should have known that you wouldn't love me. No one ever has. Everyone betrays me, because i'm just a weakling to push around for amusement. I reach under my bed, groping for the dagger that I know resides in the dark. I slash open my arms, seeing the white scars from previous desperate nights before its all covered in a gushing fountain of blood, staining my bed, my clothing, my wall. It doesn't matter anymore. No one will ever love me. I know that now. But I glance at the beautiful contrast of my life's blood on my black walls. I decide: one last painting for my love. So he knows the meaning of my downfall. I use my blood-splattered hands to trace designs on the wall: spirals, stripes, and words. Everything blurs as I finish. The rush I get from cutting is gone, leaving me feeling hopelessly weak. Bu that's okay. There is no hope left for me.

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I haven't seen Raven at the party yet. She promised she would come for me. I go to her room, knocking on the door impatiently. What's her problem? She said she would come to the party and i'm missing everything! I open the door and barge in to find a corpse on the floor, but that doesn't hold my attention. A strange and beautiful mural on the wall does. I step over the body to examine it closer, gasping as it's meaning is finally made clear to me.

_Because I love you._


	2. guilt free

Wow…. I never really thought that raven liked me like that. I mean, I'm a nice guy y and all, but wow. I just felt kind of bad that no one ever wanted to hang out with her. Don't get me wrong: she scares the shit out of m too. But she was always in a corner somewhere reading, by herself, with a sad look on her face. I hate seeing sad people. I hung out with her, tried to make her smile, I even gave her a stuffed chicken for god's sake. I hade no idea she was fucked up so bad. I thought that it was obvious that I was in love with terra. When she was here, I spent all the time with her. I was hurt the most when she betrayed us. I was the saddest when she was frozen, never to move again. I'm eternally grateful to Raven for bringing her back, but I cant believe she would be that jealous of her. And now it all comes down to this. This corpse that is lying on the ground in front of me.

But I guess I can wait to tell anyone, pretend I didn't notice. It would be such a waste to ruin a good party. I can forget about Raven easily. She was just another person, of no importance to me at all. Why bother feeling guilty for a depressed, insane, cutting goth's actions that led to her own demise.

I went back downstairs to join the party. The dancing had subsided, and now everyone was just talking a drinking. A few people brought out some heroin. I went over to Terra, winding my hands around her waist as she handed me a beer. She gave me a light kiss as she asked, "Hey? Whatever happened to Raven?" I replied, "Who?"


End file.
